Wednesday, February 10, 2016

A Satirical, Faux Pas Review of Brutal DOOM

Brutal DOOM: Brutally Good

by Boris McBrowneye

I am making my way at breakneck speed through a sparsely decorated hallway, picking up whatever objects are around as I go along. I then come across a large, metallic door. I open it and enter a semi-large room, filled with zombies and other occultic abominations. I open fire, making my way around the room in a non-stop semi-circular fashion whilst laying waste to hordes of demonic minions. Soon the walls and ceilings are spattered with blood. Aside from myself, there's not a single living soul in sight. I am the king, baby…

Such is a typical snapshot of gameplay from Brutal DOOM, an ultra-violent modification to the very popular ground-breaking shooter game DOOM from 1993. This is no ordinary gameplay modification—Brutal DOOM takes the violence factor from the original game and amplifies it by a factor of a thousand. It is very violent. Much more than the base game. Heck, it is even more violent than Mortal Kombat. Or even the bible. And that really is saying something.

Ripping limbs off and beating monsters around the head with them, for instance, is just one way to dispose of your enemies. Picking up barrels and using them as an improv explosive device is one way of clearing the room in a hurry—that, and grenades. More blood will be shed in a gaming session than there was during both WW1 and WWII put together. And if you think that is fun, just wait until you get your hands on a demon strength rune. You will quite literally tear your opponents a new one.

And of course, one can only begin to imagine what the parents of the kids who were playing this game back in 1993 would think if they saw what the game has evolved into today. But of course, who really cares what they think—this really is family gaming at its best. With the multiplayer components such as coop and deathmatch adding countless more hours of replay value to an already immersive and time-consuming mod, everyone in the clan can get in on the action and blow one another to kingdom come. Family values are certainly at no loss here – nothing says family bonding better than cutting up daddy with a chainsaw. Or pulverizing your little sister's head into a bloody pulp with your fist in a rune-induced rage. For those nay-sayers who say games such as this destroy the family unit, I say au contraire. Nothing invokes a spirit of amity and closeness than kicking your mother's bloodied head around a room.

Boris McBrowneye is a freelance writer, music blogger and alcoholic beverage critic. He has also authored a book, “How to Turn a God Fearing, Fundamentalist Housewife into an FBI's Most Wanted Terror Kingpin in Three Inflammatory Statements.”

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